It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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