We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
