idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
