Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
