I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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