my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
