im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
