And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
