You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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