Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
