I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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