i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
