She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
