i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
