theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
