Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
