I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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