sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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