If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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