Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize