i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
