Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
