Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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