I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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