paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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