who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
