I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
