Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
