Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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