SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
