I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize