Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
