She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
