i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
