ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
