Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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