Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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