So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Randomize