Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
