I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
