i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
