I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
