Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
