My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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