I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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