You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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