Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
