dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
