Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
