He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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