I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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