Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
