My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
