i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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