dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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