Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
