my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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