Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
