Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
