My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
