garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
