I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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