I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
