could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
