I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
