I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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