all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
