Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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