apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
