I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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