did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
