they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize