and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
