I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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