His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
