Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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