I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
