you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
