chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize