So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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