First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
