I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
