It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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