Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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