If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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