I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
