I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can't motorboat a personality
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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