He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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