pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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