She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
