dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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