theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
