The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
